"...You might forget that you never expected to be alone at thirty-two...or that all the people you know-without exception-have their hearts all wrapped around someone who won't ever love them back."

- Pam Houston

The Best Girlfriend You Never Had

I am not a big fan of Pam Houston, but I respect her writing, and often turn back to this story. The words are not comforting, but I find honesty in her portrayal of the passion and ambivalence in personal relationships.

I regards to the quote, I never wanted to be this person. I don’t particularly want this space to be about this subject either, but it is a truth that I deal with. I can’t quite shake it, and you can see it in my eyes. Sometimes, people will comment, and I tell them it is from my dystocia.

I say: Mom never let me forget.

The truth is, I miss you or I think I miss you. Either one it doesn’t matter, they both lead to the same place. I am not exactly sure anymore of what it is that I miss. I realize a considerable poverty in my life without you, and it sweeps over me and I am stunned.

Then I am angry for feeling this way. Again.

Something won’t digest.